The Sound of Forehands Clapping

I know I have not been writing about my personal life lately. I’ve been posting links to content and such. I’ve been too busy to write, but I have been wrestling and growing.

When I started the series on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood I said

But that’s not really what interests me the most. You see, both of these views on gender within the church do not simply address the questions of “how do a husband and wife relate?” and “can women be pastors?” Both views offer answers to much, much deeper questions that are relevant to any man or woman whether or not they are married or desiring to be a pastor.

Piper has asked before, “What do you tell your little boy when he asks you, ‘Daddy, what does it mean to grow up and be a man and not a woman?’ or ‘Mommy, what does it mean to grow up and be a woman and not a man?’” Piper has said that if all you can respond with is an anatomical answer, then you are setting your children up for disaster.

Mark and I have taken a bit of a break from reviewing the book and, yes, we need to get back on track, but let me give you an update of where I am at. I am still uncomfortable with drawing lines in stone of what manhood and womanhood is without strong Biblical warrant. I still am not sure how exactly God describes manhood in Scripture or even if he does with the precision that I want, but I am more convinced then ever that it, manhood, masculinity is real.

I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but while reading the article bellow I was fighting back tears. There is a depth of character and honor that the article describes that I long for and by Gods grace I believe I will understand more and posses more. While the article is not purposefully christocentric by any means (oh and I wish it was!), I could not help but feeling the weight of His glory hidden behind it.

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I’ve been wrestling with the concept of Biblical manhood and womanhood for some time now. Right now I am not at a place where I can say that I agree with it, but it may simply be semantics. Let me try and explain.

Terms and definitions
The Manhood and Womanhood definitions from Merriam-Webster are very similar. For womanhood it says:

1 a: the state of being a woman b: the distinguishing character or qualities of a woman or of womankind

1a seems similar to saying that a piece of aluminum has entered toasterhood. The aluminum is in the state of being a toaster. In that sense I agree that I posses manhood, but if that is the sense they mean then what is biblical manhood? Believing that it is God who has made me a man? If that’s all it means I agree.

Definition 1b talks about the distinguishing character or qualities of being a woman. These are the characteristics or qualities that distinguish or set a part womanhood from manhood. If we exclude physical characteristics and qualities are we left with any that distinguishes men from women?

Why you?
I asked some friends a while back “Why do you think that God chose for men to lead rather then women?” Their answers were not all that surprising: Men are less emotional, more temperate, they are wiser, men are better decision makers. When I asked where the Bible said that I was met with bewildered looks and shrugs.

God tells all of us in Scripture to strive for certain character attributes, the fruit of the Spirit. We fall short of them because we are sinful. Certainly both men and women are called to be wise as opposed to fools, but were men designed by God to be less effected by sin in this regard? I can’t find anywhere in Scripture that says as much.

Does the Bible say anywhere that men have a designed in edge over women for any fruits of the spirit? Does it reveal this about women?

What I am not saying
Understand that I ask these as a convinced complimentarian. A complimentarian is one who believes that the husband is the head of his home and not his wife and that qualified men are elders and by virtue of the fact that a woman is a woman she is disqualified from eldership.

Egalitarianism holds that the gender of a Christian plays absolutely no part in what function they have in a body. There is no head in the family and being female does not qualify nor disqualify a woman from being an elder in the church. I believe holding the Egalitarian view point requires one to distort numerous sections of Scripture that speak clearly to the place of gender helping to define roles in family and the local church.

Why does this matter?
If I have an underlying, vague assumption that by virtue of me being a man that I am wiser then my wife then how will that effect my relationship with her? When a decision needs to be made and my wife (who is naturally less wise then me of course) is offering her thoughts how much weight will I give to her input?

When my wife says that she thinks I am leading in the wrong direction will I, at least internally, say “Sheesh, poor woman. Does she not know that God made me the leader for a reason… “

On the other hand, what if I don’t have an underlying assumption that I am wiser, etc? Would that effect how I interacted with her and the value that I placed on her thoughts for a given matter?

What I am looking for
Am I misunderstanding the concept of Biblical manhood and womanhood? Is it simply a view towards complimentarian roles (which I agree with) or does it enter into definitions like Merriam-Websters (which I can’t find biblical support for?)

Is there Scripture that speaks of distinguishing characteristics or qualities between men and women that are designed by God into the created order? Are there Scriptures which call men and women to pursue different or distinguishing character attributes?

Like many of you I long to do something significant. I want to be a part of something of great importance. I believe that I was created by God for something special. I know that sounds tacky, but I really believe it.

As the years have gone by, my calling has gotten clearer and clearer to me. Its sweetness and my desire to do it have increased in tandem with that clarity. When you know that you know that you know that God has called you to a particular ministry that ministry becomes so desirable.

God has given me an increasingly Godly wife who bears the name of what I am finding in Gods call: Joy. She respects me. She challenges me. My wife loves me. She is also the mother of our children and, contrary to the continuous lies of the enemy, she is a good mother to them!

God has given me four children. Four! Each one is such a lavishly precious gift from God to me. To me! It is so so so easy for me to miss that, but by Gods grace I am seeing and responding to that reality more and more.

Gods calling is that I would lead this household well. It is a calling of extreme importance. One that will have profound effects for the joy of many people and the name of my God.

His calling on my life hasn’t changed in the past 7 years, but my reception and embracing and enjoying of it has.

He is calling you too by the way.

I’m what some would call a dreamer. I have a vision of myself doing great things. I’m talking about being a loving and understanding leader to my wife, a compassionate and patient father, an exemplary employee and a wise and trustworthy friend. A man who is above reproach, who stewards his time and energy and money in a exemplary manner.

These are good desires that I see rooted in Scripture. Don’t get me wrong these desires are at times tainted with pride “… imagine what people would think of me then!” but I usually fight that and humility is provided. I know that God has called me to these things and that these are not man made ideas. I know that if He is the one calling me to them then these, and nothing I could come up with, must be the best path for me to joy.

Often though I feel stupid for having these dreams and these hopes. “You’re a failure. You think big but you produce small. You fail, because your heart is wicked. You aren’t fooling God.” I often feel like I am at a fork in the road: path 1) just give up, and path 2) continue pretending that you’re a good Christian.

Sometimes I take path 1 and sometimes I take path 2. Sometimes though something else happens. Gods grace meets me at that fork in the road. He says path 3 Dwayne is through me. Your heart is wicked, but my blood was shed for this and is provided by my spirit to change you. Awake and remember! Give up your strength. Here is mine.

Awhh, the easy yoke is found again!

My father-in-law got my wife and I the Marriage Gift Set from Desiring God for Christmas.  The set includes

• This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence (Book)
• Velvet Steel (Poetry Book)
• Marriage, Christ, and Covenant: One Flesh for the Glory of God (Audio CDs)

Each chapter in Momentary Marriage corresponds to a sermon on the CD.  The main book and the sermons are all available for free on Desiring God.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer is quoted at the beginning of each chapter and Piper ends his introduction with a quote from page 32 of Letters and Papers from Prison by Bonhoeffer.

“Welcome one another . . . for the glory of God.” That is God’s word for your marriage. Thank him for it; thank him for leading you thus far; ask him to establish your marriage, to confirm it, sanctify it, and preserve it. So your marriage will be “for the praise of his glory.

This is what Joy and I are looking for and needing right now.  One of Pipers premises in the book is that marriage, no matter how amazing or horrible, is a picture of Christ and the Church.  Some better then others, but a picture of Christ and the Church all the same.

We recently confessed to each other that we have both in large degree simply fallen into the motions of marriage and parenting and everything else and have lost much of our joy in who God is.  Simply put we think our marriage has become stagnint because our view of Him has as well.  We’d love your prayers and encouragement as we attempt to lay aside all of our silly attempts at finding short-cuts to lesser joys that in the long run have left her and I so unsatisfied.