RBMW A Vision of Manhood and Womanhood
This post is part of a larger series of posts by Dwayne Forehand and Mark Tubbs on the book Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (RBMW). The entire book is available online for free here or buy it on Amazon. For a complete list of posts in this series Click here for the series index.
In the first chapter of RBMW our brother John Piper presents what he believes to be the essence of masculinity and femininity according to the Word of God. The vision presented in this paper is what the rest of the book seeks to prove and expound upon.
I let my expectations get ahead of me with this chapter and the result was frankly a lot of frustration. Throughout the chapter Piper makes numerous sweeping statements that caused me to again and again shout, internally at least, “Where is that in the Bible??”
Let me begin by sharing with you the vision of masculinity that is presented:
AT THE HEART OF MATURE MASCULINITY IS A SENSE OF
BENEVOLENT RESPONSIBILITY TO LEAD, PROVIDE FOR AND
PROTECT WOMEN IN WAYS APPROPRIATE TO A MAN’S
DIFFERING RELATIONSHIPS.
Piper takes us on a walk through this vision phrase by phrase. If you haven’t already read it consider doing that now. At each point along this walk Piper explains himself and points to numerous places in Scripture as support. The problem that I kept having was not when Piper explained how a given aspect of this vision played out in a marriage relationship, but when he stated its place in non-married male/female relationships.
I certainly expected Piper to state that the complementarian view consisted of a husband leading, providing for and protecting his wife. Now I found that, but I also found Piper saying that I should have a “sense of benevolent responsibility” to do that not just towards my wife, but towards women in general. Well that sounds odd. What does he mean by that? Out of the dozens and dozens of passages that he quotes almost all of them are about marriage and the rest do not have a context of “how a man should relate to women in general” but instead “how a saint should treat fellow saints”.
So goes the definition of femininity:
AT THE HEART OF MATURE FEMININITY IS A FREEING
DISPOSITION TO AFFIRM, RECEIVE AND NURTURE STRENGTH
AND LEADERSHIP FROM WORTHY MEN IN WAYS
APPROPRIATE TO A WOMAN’S DIFFERING RELATIONSHIPS.
It’s the same thing here. Basically in marriage this femininity will hit it’s climax as a woman relates to her husband, but Piper says that for a mature woman this way of relating will play out in all of her relationships with men to varying degrees. I’m not sure how Piper imagines my wife receiving leadership from my male friends, but he says she should if she’s mature, or at least she should have a “disposition” to it.
Like I said, these are sweeping statements requiring solid evidence. I read this chapter at least 3 times, all the foot notes, and looked up most of the passages. Part of me wants to start digging into everything that was said in this chapter, but before I do that I want to give the authors a chance to open the Scriptures up and persuade me.
To Pipers credit, he states in the very beginning that he has not included a “detailed exegetical argument” with this vision, but will instead “leave the comprehensive technical discussion for the following chapters.” With the ideal of letting the book set the pace for my posts and out of respect for my brother I’ll restrain myself, but suffice to say at this point I am not convinced.
I am very interested in hearing your initial thoughts on these definitions, but do consider Piper’s words first:
Every word we choose could be misunderstood. Unsympathetic readers could jump to conclusions about practical implications that are not implied. I would simply plead for the application of that great principle of good criticism: Before assessing an author’s position, express an understanding of it in a way the author would approve.
On Piper
Finally, I feel as though I should at this point share my view of Piper in general. If I haven’t made it clear before, I love and appreciate Piper deeply. God has used Piper to give me a vision of Himself that is bigger and more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. He has proven to me through tears (sometimes his, sometimes mine) that my core problem is not me needing to perform better, but that my heart has been blinded to the all satisfying, joy inducing glory of God and that in that and for that and through that the power to live differently is found!
He has not done this by way of showmanship or emotional manipulation, but by faithfully and carefully and passionately expositing the word of God. I love this man that God has used so much to shape my theology, and yet I have no problem disagreeing with him when I think he’s wrong, but believe me you I won’t do that lightly.
Update!
Mark Tubbs parallel post is up now on Discerning Reader.
March 17th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Nice post Dwayne. Just a thought (without any direct scripture to back it up), perhap the point that Piper is getting at can be best understood in the context of a sibling relationship. Afterall, within the body, isn’t Joy my sister? Aren’t you Kate’s brother?
Do we not have an expectation that our sons, as brothers, will “benevolently and responsibly lead, provide for, and protect our daughters”? Do we not have an expectation that our daughters, as sisters, will affirm, recieve, and nuture leadership and strength in our son’s”?
Certainly, our kids will not relate to each other the same way that we relate to our spouses, but as part of a spiritual family, don’t those expectations still exist to a certain degree? As well don’t for get the caveat, than the men should be “worthy” in order for the expectation to apply…
March 17th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Jon nice to see you on here!
On page 30 of the paper Piper notes that “leading” can take innumerable forms. One example I could imagine would be to take a “leading” role in a conversation with friends where weak doctrine is being espoused. If one of my daughters were to be the first to say “but in Titus doesn’t Paul say…” I would not be disappointed in my son.
I could not in clear conscience tell my boy upon hearing about the conversation “Son having your sister step out first is okay once in a while, but as a man the Bible calls you to be the one to take the lead when conversations get like that. If you don’t feel a greater responsibility then your sisters to take a lead in those conversations then your manhood is incomplete and possibly distorted son.”
Assuming that my son was not ashamed of the gospel or lacking love for his false doctrine espousing friends then I’d see no reason to be concerned. If you know my wife and I you’ll know that my wife often “takes the lead” in regards to drawing out someones heart in a conversation. I do want to be as bold as she is in this regard, but I do not feel compelled to be “bolder” then her.
Now, the idea of men in general providing protection for women in general is compelling to me. This is the pattern presented in Israel’s wars in the OT and for me it fits with the “weaker vessel” instructions of Peter. It’s not that I don’t find any of the this vision compelling, but as you noted I am looking for God’s word to compel me!
I really appreciate your framing of the discussion in the context of a family. Ack, looks like my laptop battery is dying!
March 17th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Interesting questions about scripture referring to gender roles within marriage vs. not married. I’d never thought about that before.
I guess as a woman who is married I am covered by my husband. So I relate to other men as well as within my church with that protection and leadership in mind. I do feel a freedom to speak up and engage in spiritual matters with my husband at my side. But do not feel the same way when he is not around (i.e. serving on committees without him) Question for me is this response a Biblical response or is it a conditioned cultural response (conservative church culture)?
If a woman is single – who covers her, does she respond differently?
Again – more questions are raised for me. Good to think on these things.
March 17th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
What a great first chapter post! You raised the right questions, but also are willing to heed Piper’s plea to “wait and see.” And so shall I.
March 18th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Hey Dwyane,
The Lord has been patiently working on me as a husband (been married to lovely lady named Uma since 2001). Lot of “cleansing” has happened and more to come..:-) I am mulling a post “Straight Talk to Husbands” – will take some time to get it right and then post it on my blog.
I will wait and see what you have to say – I have not read any John Piper writings yet, so I might read things differently than those who are familiar with his writings.
So far, I can only say that I have been deeply influenced and shaped by the sayings and life of a carpenter from 2000 years ago and what he keeps on revealing to me..daily..non-stop..:-)
-ranjeet
Keep tilling. Jesus Christ is sowing.
March 19th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Dwayne,
I’m not saying that sisters should sit back and wait for their brothers to step up and lead. I’m saying that sisters should be actively encouraging their brothers to lead and affirming them when they do.
March 19th, 2009 at 9:50 am
I agree. With the example I gave above would you want the same kind of encouragement and affirmation coming from the brothers to the sisters as well?
March 20th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
The more I wade into this book, the more I realize that much of what we could be discussing will be dealt with in future chapters. Chapter 2, which I will be posting on next Monday, is solely devoted to Q&A covering many different aspects of biblical manhood and womanhood. I’d encourage everyone to read chapter 2 at the link Dwayne provides above.
At the risk, then, of getting ahead of myself, I want to register my own fuzziness on what Piper is getting at when he extends the discussion into interpersonal relationships between Christian brothers and sisters.
Jon and Dwayne, I have seen firsthand the confusion begotten by this very question. Or to be more precise, the confusion begotten by vague and unsatisfactory answers to this question. Quite a few years ago, at the church we are now leaving (on good terms, I might add), a pastor’s wife made the point at a woman’s group that all wives in the church needed to submit to the pastors over and above their husbands. No extended example or nuance was provided. My wife was not impressed with this.
I could say a lot more, but let me say here that I think we reduce and limit our Christian walk when we devote disproportionate time attempting to decide to whom we must submit. Above all, we must submit to Christ and His Word. When this priority is properly understood, everything else tends to fall into place, by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Perhaps I’ve created more questions than answers, but that’s a good thing for a discussion thread! Bring it!